Journal

Knock Knock
July 6, 2008

After 6 months of near-silence on my end, I'm back! Those familiar with the landslide of words that are typically catapulted from my consciousness each day will realize what a rare phase this was. It's Haley's Comet, comes around once every 57 years. Or is 54? That's what I get for learning astronomy from the movie "Roxanne." The main reason for my silence since the New Year is that I've been socked away in the recording studio for the past 6 months making my new CD. It was an intense schedule, in the studio 3-4 days a week every week since January with Engineer Dan and Producer Steve, who is Dan's brother as well as a little genius. As we got rolling and I realized that I felt more quiet inside than usual, didn't have the impulse to take pictures at every session or blog every step in the process. So I stayed quiet, knowing that once it was done I'd open the communication floodgates again. For the past 6 months it's been the 17 new songs (yes, 17!) and Dan, Steve, and I. The three of us sitting at the recording console verbally abusing each other...that's really what making this record has come to mean to me.

Pop the corks, though, because we just finished recording last week, and I am amazed with what we've got on tape. The general theme: balls. These songs got balls, kids. Even the ballads and the drippy, moody stuff you've come to know and love from me are gonna get ya by the throat. Producer Steve has constantly thrilled and humbled me with his vision and talent. Listening to the rough mixes, I almost can't believe it's my music because of how he's allowed it to grow and expand into an amazing new sound. Naturally, I am dying to get it out to you, and in the next few months I'll be sending a landslide of info your way as the November release date comes racing towards us.

To give ya a tease, I'll be releasing a preview EP on iTunes in September with 4 or 5 of the songs from the new CD on it. Also the Phil Putnam Fan Club will be launching around the same time on www.philputnam.com. It will be a FREE fan club, none of this pay to be a fan crap. Once you're registered you'll have access to a whole storehouse of free exclusive content, including a free download of the acoustic record I recorded last year but have yet to release. News on the EP and Fan Club will be coming your way in the very near future.

As I'm getting the machine rolling here again, I need your support more than ever before. This new record has been a monumental project, and my team and I are a little worn out. Your words of encouragement in comments and emails mean the world to us. Also, your financial support in buying the CDs I've already released is GREATLY appreciated. The production cost of this new CD was huge and I don't have any financial support from a label or investors. It's just my small salary and your support in buying my CDs that is keeping the boat afloat. Please show some love and buy some of my music on iTunes or order CDs from the Music page of www.philputnam.com.

I'm very excited to get reconnected to you, and to keep it that way. Thanks for granting me the space to be quiet and make the best possible record to release to you this Fall. You were always in my head while I was in the studio; without you the life of my music is incomplete.

Stay close, friends. I can't wait to see what is right around the corner.


Returned,

Phil

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My Baby is One Year Old TODAY!
2007.11.07

Today is the first anniversary of the release of my latest CD, Best of Intentions. Wow. Just, wow. This record and your reception of it have given me more of a music career than I ever thought I would have, and because of this I walk around feeling like the most fortunate man alive. Truly, I do. It was during the making of Best of Intentions that I decided I want gratitude to be the hallmark of my life, my legacy. It is poetic that now this family of songs and all that it's created in my life is the primary reason for the gratitude which I pray becomes my most lasting fingerprint on those around me.

As I'm celebrating this anniversary of such a significant day in my life, it seems like a great time to make the first official announcement of another very important event: my next CD is underway! True to form, I never stop, and record number 5 is already kicking ass and taking names. It's mostly my ass it's kicking at the moment, as I'm the one being kept up VERY late at night to write lyrics and music, but very soon it will be kicking my Engineer D's ass as well, and will also put the smackdown on a very important new member of my core creative team.

I have asked my friend and fellow musician Steve Wallace to Produce this new record. Some of you may recognize him as a background vocalist and programmer on Best of Intentions, and some others may recognize him as Engineer D's brother. I'm very Matrix right now, working with the Wallace Brothers. Matrix or no, though, Steve is a genius in the studio and will be a fantastic asset to the life of the new CD. This is the first time I have not been the primary Producer on my CDs and Steve is the perfect artist to take the reins and break me into the next chapter of my sound.

Right now I don't have any specific dates or timeline for the new CD, but it's safe to say it will be a 2008 release, post-June, and is going to be well worth the wait. I'm in the sweet spot of the writing process right now, fleshing out the ideas that have owned my mind for the past year and hope to have them completed and demo'd by new year. If the way the songs are affecting me is any indication, your world will be rocked. Or at least that's the idea. ;-)

Again, thank YOU for an incomparable year. I don't have a kingdom but I feel like a King, and it's you who make it so.


Celebrate,

Phil

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Birthday Party Sugar Rush
2007.10.24

Like any parent would say, I'm amazed that nearly a year has passed since my newest "kid" was born. Not to confuse things, I don't mean an actual child. Like the human kind. I'm referring to my latest CD, "Best of Intentions." November 7, 2007 will mark the first anniversary of its release, first birthday for those who are prone to personification as I am. I could not be more proud of what my baby's done in its first year, and could not be more humbled by how so many of you around the world have taken these songs deep into your life. Without you there is none of this, so thank your for being an irreplaceable part of the experience.

To celebrate this one-year milestone I wanted to do something that would give you a special peek into some of the songs on "Best of Intentions." Thus, below are some of my personal recollections and stories connected to a few of the songs from this record. As I'm not the kind to try to control what you think my songs are about, I hope the following serves to deepen, rather than define, your experience of these songs.


"Lyin'" - The songs that end up having the greatest impact are often sparked by the most ordinary moments. I was talking with my friend Kyle at his apartment in Spring 2005, talking about deep things as Kyle and I often did. At one point in the conversation Kyle looked right at me and said "Write me a song." After I did a quick check in with myself to confirm that there was something there to say to him, I simply said "okay." I wrote the lyrics during a break at Starbucks (every musician must put in their time at Starby's), wrote the music on my piano at home, and two weeks later played Kyle the song that would become one of the most significant parts of my career.

Lyin' was a late addition to the record. Almost everything else had been recorded when I made the decision to include it. Actually, it was less a decision and more like I just sort of realized one day "you're an idiot for not putting this on the record. get to work." So I called my drummer, bassist and guitarist back to the studio and in one day it went from a basic piano track to almost completely done. That was pretty amazing, to have the song become itself in 6 hours. Like it already knew itself so well and all I had to do was listen and follow its lead.

This song is one of the most important messages of my life, that people claim the truth of how much they are worth. People HAVE to know what they're worth; it's the driving force of my life and is a primary theme behind all my music. It just took me 4 albums to finally know how to fit it in a 4 minute musical package.

"Servants and Sons" - I'd have to credit my songwriting mentor Warren Pettit with nurturing my love of ballads. They've always come naturally to me and his insistence that I not write ballads only made me more determined to write the best damn ballads I could. Plus, I was attending a ballet when this song first came to me. Phil + Ballet + Inspiration = Ballad.

Servants and Sons was part of the first generation of 'Best of Intentions." What I mean by that is when I first wrote this record in 2004-2005 it was a concept record which followed a character I know as "Andrew" through a crucial passage in his life. There was a strong father/son element, and Servants and Sons was written as the point where the story begins to turn and "Andrew" writes a letter to his dad. You even hear the date in the very first line of lyric and the very last line is his signature. Clever, hmm? Over time, however, I pulled away from the story line approach and let each song on the record speak for itself. Servants and Sons has always held its original meaning for me, though. Perhaps it's about inviting those from your past into your present. Don't know; I've never been able to pinpoint just one thing that this song says. I do know, however, that it grips me and makes me unspeakably grateful to be a musician.

A fun piece of trivia about my songs is that specific names in my lyrics are always a shout out to real people who are a very significant part to of my life. In this case "Daniel" and "Jay" are the first and middle name of the same person, a friend of mine who I treasure more than my own life and who I do not see nearly enough.

"Best of Intentions" - this is the second album of mine where the title track was the last song written. The first time was my debut record, "Healer." My music often plays this kind of cat and mouse game with me, waiting til the very last moment to say "See, THIS is what you've been trying to say for the past 3 years." This is just one of many reasons why I believe that the most important tool of a great songwriter is patience.

When it came time to title the record I realized that every song in some way related to my view of perfectionism and the consequences of living as a Perfectionist. Best of Intentions then became the obvious choice for the album title, since this song lays out my thoughts on the topic. I am not a Perfectionist, in my music or any area of my life. Plainly, I think perfectionism is a big boring waste of time and a ridiculous standard to live by. It's our flaws that give us our texture; there is a large part of what makes us unique found in them, and I find them to be the most valuable parts of our identity. Purging myself of these human treasures is one of the dumbest things I can imagine doing. Sadly, I was surrounded by people who thought Perfectionism was grand and you could watch the life seeping out of them with each "success." So I wrote about it.

Augusten Burroughs was also part of the process. I was reading his memoir "Dry," (if you haven't read it, run, don't walk) and was stopped by one line. I kept going back to it, which I never do. He was talking about some way in which he was/is incredibly fucked up, which is 95% of the book, and wrote something along the lines of "I am all flaws, put together with good intentions." It stuck, and I stuck, and the song was written the next day.

When it came time to record the vocals, something unique happened. I cursed. GASP! That's right, I dropped the f-bomb on record. And then I kept it! This is the one and only time (so far) that I've used a "bad" word in my recorded songs, and I kept it in there for two reasons. The first is that it expresses the true emotions Perfectionism calls out of me; anger, exasperation, and protections of those who it harms. If you've seen me play this song live you know it makes me snarl. I truly hate what Perfectionism does to people, so the f-word leapt out of my mouth during the recording session (it wasn't planned) and I felt it was authentic so I left it as it is. The other reason I kept is that I fucking love the f-word. I think it's glorious and fantastical. I think it's called "bad" only because most people say it's "bad," and while it may not be the most socially appropriate expression, sometimes nothing else will do.

If you're offended by my use of the f-word, you're probably a Perfectionist, in which case this song is for you. =)

Thank you for being part of a first year with "Best of Intentions" that went so far beyond what I could imagine. Get ready for another...this record is FAR from finished with us!


Heart on a plate,

Phil


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Big in Europe
2007.10.16

Here is the (loose) English translation of the article about me on www.prideradio.dk, posted October 15, 2007.

"Phil Putnam is a songwriter, pianist and singer who recently released his new
album Best of Intentions. This 12-song collection of acoustic rock and poetic songs explore life and love - and not just the romantic kind.

Sidestepping heavy pop production, these are melodic tunes
led by Putnam's hands on the piano. Relying on more than just drums, bass, and guitar, Putnam truly creates his own sound and lyrical style with songs like "Lyin'" and "Jeremiah"

Best of Intentions is an album with a thoughtful energy to catch your attention and deep passion to make you want to sit and listen."


Viva la Denmark!

Phil




A Decade Ago...
2007.08.19

I just got home from my 10 Year High School Reunion (for those who have been asking about my age lately, that gives you an idea). Going into it I did not know what to expect. These kinds of situations are always frought with wildcards: who will show up, who won't, what will happen when we're all in the same room and the drinking is legal, are the two girls who look like hookers actually hookers or did they really go to school with us? All things considered, it was a really enjoyable event. Lots of catch up conversations, pictures of babies and new houses on digital cams, awkward moments where I silently thanked god for nametags while talking with people who clearly knew who I am but who I had no clue about.

There was a generally cool vibe in the room, relaxed and fun and no one seemed too uptight about anything, really. The weird thing for me, though, was that I was kind of the celebrity classmate. Word had gotten around about my music career and everyone seemed so impressed. Now, hard as it may be to imagine, I was not exactly the hub of social attention and activity in High School. No, I was more along the lines of fat, girly, and emotionally earnest; somewhat of a patron saint of the generally uncool. Thus, to have women fawning over me who were once the girls who snickered and men clapping my back in support who were once the boys who yelled "faggot" at me across hallways and sports fields was satisfying and a tad brain-bending.

I spent the majority of the night with the people I had known the longest, those I went to elementary and junior high school with as well as high school. Stories, antecdotes, and tons of laughter. The absolute highlight was seeing my crazy awesome longtime homegirl Monica. We were kindred outcasts in Junior High and stayed tight through High School. This was the first time we'd seen each other in a few years and it was a BLAST! We were like a Mentos commercial. Monica....The Fresh Maker.

What made the strongest impression on me was how genuinely proud of me so many people were, and how kind we were to each other tonight. It really left me with a great sense of who most of us have become. Before I knew it the time was getting late. The food was gone. The conversations were closing. The housekeeping staff had cleaned the vomit off the floor of the men's room, which paved the way for the hookers/possible classmates to commence the cliche sloppy bathroom sex with the ex-football players who arrived drunk and just kept right on drinking all night. Nice to know some things never change.

To those who made a potentially painful rite of passage a very enjoyable evening, an updated yearbook entry of sorts: Travis and Asia, Jenny Hill, Shelly (seriously, send me pics of Mark), Alex and Katie and little Andrew, Monnie and Keith (Julie Haggerty lives!), Amber's husband John, Stricker and Tan, Cottrell (seriously, amazing boobs), Patricia and your gorgeous husband, Amber Carter (for being kind, and filter-less) and Bandy (I can tell we're going to reconnect so let's get coffee soon).

On the way out the door someone asked me what will be different at the 20 Year Reunion. I quickly spouted, "A few of the parents will be grandparents, a few of the alcoholics will be in AA, and I'll have my first Grammy." Then they asked what will be the same.

"The hookers."


Love you long time,

Phil
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Run, Run, Run
2007.08.21

Run, run, run! I'm so happy to be on the road so much this Summer, touring throughout California. For the next 8 weeks I'm bouncing around the state for concerts and appearances and meeting up with old and new friends. Basically, a fantastic combination of work and Summer vacation. The exact details of my wheres and whens can be found on my shows list and also on the Calendar page of www.philputnam.com, but in short, I'll be in Sacramento, LA, San Diego, San Francisco, Vacaville and Fairfield over the next few weeks. If I'm in your area, come see me. =) I'm nice in person. I promise, I am.

In the midst of touring I'm also recording my next record. This will be number 5 for me and I am so happy with the way things are going. Happy mainly because the production schedule is very light compared to how "Best of Intentions" was. In certain ways this record is actually part of "Best of Intentions." I recorded a bunch of extra songs when I did the piano tracks for "Best of Intentions" and ended up with the foundation for an acoustic CD. Now I'm going back in to track the vocals and that's pretty much it. We're (we being myself and Engineer D. Wallace, whom I love dearly) are keeping this one light and clean, mostly just piano/vocal with some surprises thrown in. The song lineup includes a couple new songs, some acoustic arrangements of fan favorites from my previous CDs, and a few cover songs I've been playing in my live show for the past few years.

In addition to the material, a special part of this new recording is that all of the musicians and engineers working on it are returning to the team after working on my previous recordings. Usually the bulk of each album team is new, so having my core crew return is a real treat. They're pretty much my Dream Team, and it currently includes Engineer D. Wallace on tracking and mixing, Steve Wallace on programming and background vocals, Dave Abi-Nader doing guitars, Robin Tokuno on background vocals, and Jen Quilici working on some custom art for the packaging. A small but tidy team, so packed with ridiculous amounts of talent that I'd hate them if I didn't love them so much. I'm producing us all through our various tasks right now, and it's looking like a December/January release. November if we really push it. No, it's NOT a Christmas record. =)

Since I like a dangerously full plate, I'm not only touring and recording my 5th record but am also writing songs for my 6th record. This is really the sweet spot for me right now. I LOVE writing new songs, and I need to be writing at this point in time. It's getting some thoughts and feelings out of me that really need to be out of me, so it's healing and wounding at the same time. My view on the world and people has changed a lot due to some experiences I've had over the past two years and the content of these new songs is from a place that I have yet to really become familiar with. That's often what my songs do for me; they teach me how to accept the reality of the way my life is for the current period of time. It'll be a couple more years before these new kids make their way to you on my 6th CD, but for now they are being wonderfully kind and uncompromising to me; I can only hope they do the same for you when they are released.

That's the rundown, that's what's keeping me tired and keeping me smiling lately. More than anything, though, it's you who keep my smiling. Cliche it may be, but it's still true that it's you who make my dreams come true by making my music a part of your life, buying my CDs/mp3s and coming to concerts. Without you, there's no musical me.

Before I go, I must give a huge thanks to my new fans in the UK and Canada. Over the past month I've been connecting with some fantastic people in both countries and it's been a real pleasure getting to know you. Keep it coming. It's a small world, and music travels.


Ready to Run,

Phil
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Dorks are so Hot Right Now
2007.03.09

"Cold Hearted Snake" by Paula Abdul has come up in conversation twice in the past 24 hours. Two different conversations, two different people. If this is the universe trying to tell me something, it needs to update its iPod before I'll pay close attention.

Not to say that la Abdul isn't bomb. I rocked that cassette when I was a kid like Lindsay Lohan with vertigo. Cold Hearted, Rush Rush, Opposites Attract....come on. Pop gold, little ones.

It's a little known fact that Frank Sinatra was originally slated to duet with Paula on Opposites Attract, but he was drunk that month. Producers opted for an animated cat instead. The cat (not "cat" like jazz cat, but actual feline cat) went on to have another single, and is lauded as one of Clay Aiken's early influences.

Speaking of pop princesses, and I of course mean Clay Aiken, I had an amusing little moment when I recently looked up my CDs on iTunes. In the "Listeners Also Bought" section on my page are the following names, in this exact order:


Rihanna
KT Tunstall
Beyonce
Nelly Furtado
Jennifer Lopez

Now THERE'S a message from the universe.



Shinier than John Mayer's sallow skin,

Phil
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Quarks
February 1, 2007

I have plenty. Quarks, that is. Plenty.

As the Journal here is designed to give you a piece of me that you don't necessarily hear in my songs, I thought a partial list of Quarks would be a fun addition to this running list of my thoughts and feelings.

Get ready, here comes the zany,

Tomatoes: I don't like them. I like most tomato products (ketchup, BBQ Sauce, etc), but not the actual fruit. It's ALWAYS without tomato for me.

TV: I rarely watch it at home. Lately I've been watching it at work. NBC.com, ABC.com, and tv on DVD are the best slices of post-millenium life. Currently watching Heroes, Friday Night Lights, 30Rock, Veronica Mars, Ugly Betty, Brothers and Sisters, and Will & Grace.

Nikki and AIM: Nikki is one of my best friends, and has also worked as my Manager and Graphic Designer since we met while attending the CMC. I haven't seen her for nearly 5 years, but I talk to her more than anyone else, all via AIM.

Sleep: I don't sleep well. Never have. Sooper-Dooper earplugs used here, and I'm still super-light. Can't nap, and can't sleep more than 8 hours at a time. The later I go to bed, the earlier I wake up.

Shaving: I hate it. HATE it. Don't know what I was so excited about when I started at 14.

Coke Classic and Basketball: these were objects of near-religious devotion in my family as a child. I still feel a twinge of dissent inside when I admit that I'd rather see a concert in an arena than a game, and wait for the lightning to strike if I ever order Pepsi instead of Coke. Let's be clear: Coke is better than Pepsi. It's practically a food group.

Sick Movie: you know, the movie you watched as a kid every time you were home sick from school. Until I was 9 it was the Care Bears Movie, then Steel Magnolias took over.

My Hat: I don't look good in hats. Well, almost all hats. I've found one hat that works for me, and I've had it for 8 years now. You'll see it show up in photos here and there.

Encyclopedia Brown (and Michael Crichton): I read every book in the Encyclopedia Brown series when I was a kid. Also went through a big Crichton phase in junior high, read everything he had written at that time.

Oboe: oboe is my favorite musical sound. Piano is first runner up. General consensus on the oboe is that it sounds like ducks mating, or dying, or both. I, however, am in the oboe camp that finds it to be lush, evocative, and sorrowful, the voice of the most gorgeous desperate longing I have ever heard.

High-Detail Monotonous Office Work: I LOVE IT! It's sick, I know, but anything super-detailed, repetitive, administrative, and even remotely associated with pushing paper shines in my eyes like gold to a leprechaun. Yes, I'm anal, but I deliver like Dominoes.


It's not like I thought the trivia above would enhance my street cred, but at least it was fun to write. Hope it made you crack at least one wry little grin. At least one.


Phil

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They Grow Up So Fast
November 17, 2006

Ten days since my new kid was born. By kid, I, of course, mean my new CD. BEST OF INTENTIONS is off and running free into the mad world, and my life is forever changed. The change is quite the opposite than what is typically experienced by most new parents, however. Where the sleepless nights, worry, guilt and years of financial draw begin with the birth of the child, reaching the release date of a new CD is like dropping my kid off at college freshman year. He's still in the family, and I'm still paying through the nose, but he's up and running on his own (sort of) and I'll be able to enjoy hours of Law & Order every weeknight without the interruptions that are bound to come when your kid lives under your roof.

The analogy is getting a little coarse, so I'll end it here. Not kidding about the Law & Order thing, though. Jack McCoy never fails to make my legal pulse rush.

My newly established "empty-nester" status (end of analogy, I promise) has changed my day to day quite a bit. I have evenings at home, time to spend with friends, time to write blogs. I'm still doing publicity for the record and am beginning to tour, but it's nowhere near as demanding on my time as making the album was. At first I felt very boring and uninteresting. Then I realized that this is relaxation. What a letdown. I generally suck at relaxing. No, really, not a high point in my skill set. Thus, I feel two parts like a bonehead/1 part overachiever that I am learning how to relax right now. Proof of my overachiever-ness is that I've taken on relaxation as my new project. Turning rest into a task...

Hi, my name is Phil, and I'm a task-a-holic.

Hi, Phil.

All this to say that the release of BEST OF INTENTIONS has had a huge payoff in the shape of my day to day life, and I couldn't be more grateful for it. I've always said the point of recording music is to release it, to make it available to those who will listen. Now that it's released, I have the time to get it out to you and watch what happens. Seeing Jack McCoy tear down yet another legal conundrum 19 times a week...well, that's just a bonus.

As for dates and details, I'm in Portland this weekend doing my first mini-tour. This is such an exciting beginning for me, and I'm looking forward to a great weekend here followed by similar mini-tours in major cities across the US throughout the next year. Seattle, San Diego/LA, Chicago, and New York, get ready. There are some other new elements being worked on that I can't wait to tell you about. Keep your fingers crossed with me!

True to form, I'm always working, always developing the next step. Even so, maybe relaxing isn't so bad. Maybe it's just new


What's next?,

Phil

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Best of Elections
October 20, 2006

My new album, "Best of Intentions," is releasing on November 7th. I knew that the 7th is Election Day.

Now, thanks to my pal Owen, I also know that November 7th is A LOT more.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/November_7


Vote,

Phil

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Mid-Life Crisis, Quarter-Life Age
April 25,2006

I've been cheating on you with myspace.com. Really, I have. Any faithful philputnam.com journal readers, I feel awful about this. It was the typical newer, younger model thing. Such a cliche, I know. Big thanks to my super-manager Denise who brought my lack of journaling here to my attention. Montes, this one is for you.

When I sit down to write these entries I feel this pressure to be funny and witty and profound and entertaining. While I can be all of those things, there's something about planning to be funny that eludes me. It's like planning to be sad. If necessary I could probably pull it off, but there are just no guarantees. Well, unless you make me watch Dying Young with Julia Roberts and Campbell Scott right before I write. That flick is a surefire way to dunk yourself in the sad tank and come up with runny mascara. Wet and sad or bright and witty, here's what's been happening in my world since last time.

My new album has been quite an endeavor, definitely much more of a challenge and reward than I had imagined. Seriously, this thing has given me a run for my money. It's been 3 months since we started recording and will be another 3 before we get into mixing. There have just been so many unexpected challenges to face down, so many big changes in plans, so many glad and mad moments resulting. However, the great news is that the music sounds EXCELLENT. I am very happy with how it's coming together now and can't wait to get it out to you.

I need to take a moment to brag on my engineers, because these men are incredible. Justin Lieberman (www.justinlieberman.com/; www.myspace.com/justinmixer) is a top-notch piano engineer who did the piano sessions for this record. It's been a month since we did them and I still can not believe how well the sessions went and how impeccable the sound is. For a piano-based artist like me, hearing my performances come out as clear and complete as they did is a dream come true.

The other man that all of you need to know about is D. Wallace (www.myspace.com/)dsheldon . D. is the main engineer on this project, running most of the tracking and mixing. To employ another cliche, I really can't say how much I've come to appreciate him through this process. His engineering ability is incredible, but it's been his supportive and available attitude that has made the most significant impact on my experience of making this record. Some engineers come in, do the work, get their money, and leave without the slightest hint of connection with the artist or the music. This is the complete opposite of D., and it's making all the difference.

Things are moving on the design side as well. The photo shoot for the record was this past sunday and it was blast. Photographer Rob Rollins (www.robrollins.com/), warbrode designer Tomicko Abella (www.mikobelladesigns.com/), hair stylist Sean Murray, makeup artist Rocky Sharma, and I spent the day primping, posing, styling, smiling, and shooting. It's disgusting how much better than normal a glam squad can make you look. No complaints from me, though. It was one of the most fun days I've had in a while, and I get to keep the clothes. Heaven.

In addition to the record, there are other exciting things going on. In about two weeks All the Courage Required will be available on the iTunes Music Store. Long Story Short will follow sometime mid-Summer. Also huge on the horizon is British recording artist Stephen McCarthy. Stephen came across my music on myspace and has become very interested in my work. He will be coming out to California in August to record a number of my songs, some that are already released and some new ones that I am writing for him.

There it is, all the reasons why this is my first journal entry in almost 5 months. Perhaps I won't be as much of stranger to my own site in the near future. Stay tuned. There is always more good stuff coming down the pipeline.


Faithfully (with a smirk),

Phil


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Boredom for Dummies
December 4, 2005

While talking to a friend of mine a couple days ago he asked the customary question of "How are things going." Aww, how nice. So I told him, and my response surprised me a bit. I said "Overall, things are good, but I'm a little bored with my life." My friend's response was particularly poignant, and completely on point. He said, "See, you've slowed down, and now you're bored." Yep, wasn't expecting that.

It was like a free association exercise in therapy, where you don't filter your thoughts before you say them and whatever comes out is supposedly your truest feeling on the matter. Apparently, I'm bored.

This comes as a shock to me, since I can't ever recall being bored while being so active. It's not like I'm spending my days at home on my couch eating chips and joining the teeming throngs of Oprah fans in knit sweater and pajama pants. I'm working full time, out with my friends at night, even out on dates quite often. My life hasn't slowed down much at all. However, I have changed the way I spend my time in the past few months, meaning that I did hit the breaks on my music career. This summer I decided I wanted a change of pace, and I got one. Since then I haven't performed as much as usual, and ended up putting off plans to record my fourth album until sometime in 2006.

In my case, I guess this was a slow down. Since it involved my music, it ended up being a pretty significant one too, whether I realized it or not. To be honest, I've loved it. Stepping out from under the pressure of running and funding my music career was a welcome relief, and it's allowed me to relax and enjoy life in a new way. True, my music and the next step are permanent residents in my mind, so I was always spinning a thought or two about what would happen when the break was over. For the most part, though, it was chill and let chill.

Apparently, however, it's time for the chill to thaw and let me get blazing hot again with that insanely driven energy that emanates from me when I am making a record. Ask those who have worked on my previous records; they'll tell you that I could dig through a cinderblock wall with my teeth if that's what it takes to finish one of my albums. Kinda scary, but my dentist loves the extra visits.

What's interesting is that in the past few weeks a number of events have refocused my thoughts on this new album I've been referring to for a while. I even realized a line of lyric that has eluded me for over a year! Perhaps it's a good time to be bored, and perhaps it's even better that I can't stand to be bored and am bound to do something about it.

What I’ve learned from all this is the following equation, tailor-made for my life: slow down music life = get bored; speed up music life = get un-bored. I think you can see where this is heading. More than the tidy equation though, this break-season has pointed out in glaring detail the truth that I am here to make music, and when I’m not pushing forward on that my life loses that vital momentum that I love. That vital momentum is what I call living, and I’m determined to live while I’m alive. I’ll be a whirlwind of lyric and melody, of recording and producing, of touring and serving people.

Already, the gears are turning. Already, the momentum is returning. You ready?

I am.


Poised,

Phil

_______________________________

Weeks Like This
October 7, 2005

Right now I am taking my first listen to the newly released record Add to the Beauty from my hero Sara Groves. It just came out on Tuesday. I know this because I had it written in my calendar. It’s like the birthday of a friend, surrounded by stars and hearts, to make sure I don’t forget it. These are the things I get excited about, the release of new music from my heroes. I honestly had to keep myself from skipping with glee as I walked to my car from the music store to rip off the plastic, crack open the case, and hear what Sara has to say.

She does not disappoint. Ever. This record has such an amazing sense of momentum through it. That’s all I can feel right now. Momentum. I am so grateful for this music. It’s moving us somewhere. It’s moving.

This was a tough week for love. Break ups, marriages in dire need of rescue, stuff that just blindsided my friends as they went through those relationship nightmares that I guess we always believe happen to other people, not us.

It was a tough week for dreaming. I realized life is changing, and is requiring me to change with it.

It was a tough week for perspective, and balance. It was just hard to keep my eye on the horizon, on the bright spots there that settle my vision of the world around me. There were many great things that happened this week, but they just didn’t have the weight that they do during weeks other than this one. You could say they were stripped of their…momentum.

I’m 26 years old. When you consider 26 years in the context of 70-90 years of life, it’s really not that much at all. I’ve often thought that the early 20’s are the time in life when we get all worked up and angsted-out over how we think the world should be and what’s wrong with it and how we would have done it better, had we been in charge. So we burn our energy on that for a few years, and then we begin to see patterns. We begin to see consistencies in life, and we see them in ways that bring us comfort and in ways that make us feel helpless and young.

I’m beginning to see the patterns. I think I am. I am becoming more and more frustrated with doing life on my own, and I am beginning to see patterns that are challenging me with comfort. All these parts of life that I fought against and critiqued, and even wrote songs about, well, maybe they’re just the way life is. Maybe there’s a pattern there. Maybe the pattern is one of peace, one that can be taught to me by those who have lived longer, seen more, felt their own 25-year old fight be wrapped in a conciliatory embrace by the 26-year old yield.

Love dies. Marriages end. Dreams suffer. Perspective and balance get wounded, and people get tired of fighting. These are patterns. This is the way it goes. I imagine that the longer I live, the more I will see that this is true. As strange as it may seem, I’m praying that there truly is a comfort to be found in the pattern here. Not because I want love to die and marriages to end and people to lose their dreams, but because if this is the way life is, then somewhere in there is an invitation. On weeks like this one, life is sending an invitation to join in, to live life as it is, to rip into all the gritty reality with bared teeth and cradle the same gritty reality in tender arms.

If there’s a comfort to be found in the pattern of the way life just is, then I want it. It’s mine. I’ll do what it takes to get it, because there’s still a long way to go. The way I see it, the sooner I get the hang of this living thing, the better.


Humbled,

Phil

_______________________________

Everybody's a Critic
July 31/August 6 2005

Let’s do something a little different.

The truth is, I rarely sit down and write these journal entries in one sitting, since it’s rare that I have an hour or two to just sit down and write. Thus, what usually ends up happening is I write them over the course of a few days and slap the finishing date on them when I post to the site.

Now, being a moody, moody man who can change his emotional spots like no leopard ever dreamt, I’m rarely in the same mindset each time I add to an entry. The only reason they have any sense of unified voice is because I’m nuts, and people who are supposed to have nine personalities in one mind magically sound coherent when all nine voices are gabbing in the same setting. Anything beyond that is a triumph of English comprehension and a sheer act of God.

Since I’m all over the place when I add to these entries, sometimes I read through a section written while in my “let’s say something meaningful and profound” mode and think to myself, “I am such a poser.” See, I say things like that to myself when I’m in my “witty-wise, culture-savvy pre-hipster sarcastic insightful critic with heart” mode.

As I’m writing right now, I’m in my “let’s be dorky-cool with a quirky new approach to journaling” mode, which is most likely brought on by the 90 minutes of Kathy Griffin comedy I just watched. Seriously folks, funny as hell. But be warned: if you feel the need to defend Clay Aiken’s sexuality, this is not the show for you. She’s merciless, and it’s a joy to watch. When you’re Kathy Griffin, you advance your career by making fun of other celebrities. When you’re Phil Putnam, you advance your career by making fun of yourself.

In the italics below is part of this entry that was written on July 31st from deep within my profound-meaningful state. I just reread the first line. I think I stole it from the Midwest housewife who was on Dr. Phil last week because she resents her husband for pushing her into the success of her dog sweater knitting business and robbing her of the chance to pursue her true passion: sugar sculpture. Her husband cried, the producer handed her a box of sugar cubes and a glue stick, it was touching.

But I digress. The point is, since I’m always making commentary on events and people, it seemed appropriate that I spew a little venom in my own eyes and have some fun while I’m at it. The following is not a paid advertisement for http://www.philputnam.com/. I’m doing this pro-bono, for myself. Yep, I’m setting this one up really well.

All right, on with the show. Italics are from July 31st. Plain text is everything I learned from the two old critics on the Muppets.


Is it possible to forget what you want? (Is it possible to open with a more obvious opening line? Romance novelists everywhere are furious.)

I don’t ask because I think I forgot, but because I think I remembered. Go figure, dichotomous thinking by an artist. How original. (How many times am I going to refer to myself as an “Artist” in this entry?)

As my last journal entry described, I went on a sort of Summer Break at the end of May, downshifting from the performing and recording high gear that I had been in for almost a year. It was a new way of living for me, meaning rest, but I have to tell ya: it’s great! Oh my goodness, it’s like I discovered something better than chocolate and fine shoe leather. (Let’s pause for a moment here. I just listed chocolate and fine shoe leather as the pinnacles of joyful existence. Hmm, what was that I mentioned about Clay Aiken earlier?) Having a weekend off, the entire weekend, wow. You should have told me about this sooner, because I’m thinkin’ this is a pretty sweet deal. A singer/songwriter could get used to this. (I thought songwriters are generally accepted as the laziest people on earth. Don’t they just sit around their apartments all day waiting for inspiration to come, and when it does, work for a total of five minutes before they go back to watching Days of Our Lives and thinking, “I wish I could write stuff like this. This is gooood.”)

But then something happened. It was morning. Early morning. (Days is on early now?) The kind of early morning you see only because you’ve recently taken an excellent job with a highly reputable company, and they think it’s important for you to be there to learn about your new position at the butt crack of dawn. (Let me guess, you were hired as an “Artist”.) So it was early, and I had been doing this early morning get up thing for four weeks now, so something was bound to break. My alarm came screaming through the still air of my bedroom to foghorn me into awareness, and at the exact moment I opened my eyes, I knew: it was time to begin seriously pursuing my music career again.
(This is what we call a moment of clarity. As any respectable songwriter would, I reached for my pen and notebook, scrawled some lyrics, fluffed my pillow and went back to sleep. Screw work. I’m an Artist.)


-Phil

(And Phil)

_______________________________


This is Summer
May 9, 2005

Times, they are a’-changin’. My times are, at least. What is that they say about the winds of change? Something about them blowing through our lives? For those of us who imagine a Jimmy Buffet-esque tropical beach with a colada and a gentle wind when we’re lectured on the winds of change, our time has come.

Summer is fast on the heels of Spring and will soon overtake the mild matron of the seasons with dry heat, long nights, and clear skies. There is something nostalgic and promising about Summer for me, as it is still somewhat connected to the idea of Summer Break from school. Though I have been out of college for almost three years now, the pregnant potential of crackling sun still takes me back to when I could read for fun, wear shorts and flip flops all day, go camping whenever I could gather friends & gear, and all the while be completely aware of how short the time was before we returned to classes and bell schedules and the mixed blessing called school. Summer was one big thrust, a single push of momentum from early June to late August, an 11-week constant of golden opportunity in limited quantity that would be over too soon and would not come around again soon enough.

That was Summer. That is Summer.

This Summer will be different for me than it has been in the past few years. For the first time in a long, LONG time, I am taking a little break from recording and performing. Having worked non-stop for the 4 years since Box of Wood Music opened, and after touring All the Courage Required for the past 10 months, I figure it’s about time to relax a little and have some fun. This really couldn’t come at a better time. It’s amusing to see how, at certain points in life, the timing just lines up.

You see, I tend to be a very hard worker, and it’s taken me a while to learn how to relax and recharge. Still learning this one, in fact. But lately, more often than in the past, I’ve been feeling a desire to slow down, not do so much, and not be so industrious and efficient. Seriously, I’m so freakin’ industrious! Sometimes I don’t know how I get as much done as I do and still manage to sleep, eat, shower, and get to work on time. But really, who wants to be industrious ALL of the time? Who wants to always be efficient? Sometimes I just want to drop the ball, let some things slide, forget a few details. This may sound silly, but to me it’s just like any other area of life. Sometimes we secretly, or not so secretly, want to fail in the areas where we are most highly praised. Sometimes we want to remind ourselves and others that we are all cut from the same cloth, and as such need some gentle-cycle lovin’ and double fabric softener attention now and then. Geezile, did I just use a laundry metaphor to describe the state of my life? Dire straits, kids. Dire straits.

I’ve mentioned the All the Courage Required Tour quite a bit over the past few months, and now that it’s officially ending I’m beginning to reflect on the lessons it has taught me. One of the most significant pieces of wisdom I picked up along the way has to do with balance and how it affects the creative life of a performing artist.

There seems to be two poles that we (performing artists) spend our creative time between where our relationship with our material is concerned. We spend time nurturing the personal, private, intimate connection with our art, and we also spend time putting that art out there to be heard, seen, experienced, and received. Typically, time spent writing and creating the work is the personal time of connection for me and touring and promoting the finished products is the time to put it out there. These two modes, or spaces, of an artists’ creative life are quite different from each other, and they take something from the artists’ connection with their work and give something to that connection as well.

As the All the Courage Required Tour began to wind down a few weeks ago, I began to learn this principle of balance when I realized that I hungered for the intimate moments with music in general, and for the private moments with my own music in specific. That’s when I knew that it was time to finish the Tour and then head into my cave with my music, and camp out there for a while communing with my work and being rejuvenated by the aspects of music that ignite my passion and spin my soul. I could not have asked for a better local Touring experience than what I had on the ATCR Tour, and I could not be more ready to be off the stage for a while and reconnect with what is personal and private about music for me.

So that’s where I’ll be for the Summer, in my metaphorical cave getting personal with my music. While it sounds like the makings of a mediocre supermarket checkout stand romance novel, it’s really a spot of time I am looking forward to. You’ll still hear from me now and then over the next season, and as always I’ll keep you all posted on what’s coming down the pike from my recording and performing.

As I’m closing this entry, I’m remembering a moment when I was 8 or 9 years old. It was May, around this time of year, and I was playing GI Joes with a fellow youngster in the neighborhood. We were still pretty new to each other and had yet to establish the unwritten, unimpeachable contract of Summer childhood friendship. So I mustered all the courage I had and quipped, “Hey Cameron. You wanna be friends?” Cameron replied, “Sure.”

And Summer began.



Shine,

Phil

_______________________________

Stepping Down in the Right Direction
March 7, 2005

For a few weeks now I’ve been eager to write another entry for this journal and have been batting ideas around for what to write about. A couple times I came close to something worthy of a few hundred words, but in the long run nothing clicked enough to gain wings. This searching for a journal-worthy topic also allowed me to realize something: rather than deliver some part of my personal philosophy or opinion, or a “what I’ve been learning lately” package neatly wrapped in slick adjectives and an adept turn of phrase, maybe I could just tell you what’s been going on for the past month. Sounded like a good idea, so that’s what I’m going to do.

Here’s what’s been on going on in the past month.

A lot. A whole lot. But first, a little context.

In early December I left a super job in order to pursue my songwriting and recording career more heartily, and with greater focus. While this opened a whole slough of opportunities for me in music that still leave me wondering, “Where the hell did that come from?,” it also opened up a whole slough of difficulties that I had kinda sorta anticipated, and kinda sorta hadn’t. From December to February I lived in the space between these two aspects of my life, like parallel lines running along the same course, just a few yards apart from each other. One line was my music career, which was growing and being blessed like never before. I was booking a full Spring Tour schedule, building this website, and preparing to begin the process of making my fourth album. The other line was more of the nuts and bolts of everyday life: my difficulty finding a job, my stress over finances, my struggle to feel useful while not working. Well, correction: I WAS working. Really hard. I’m always working. It was just work that wasn’t paying the bills, and therefore wasn’t getting the nod of approval from society. As I lived along these lines, I knew I had made the right choice in leaving my job to pursue my music career, but I was very challenged by the dichotomy of having such certainty in my decision and yet being caught in such difficult circumstances which seemed to be the result of that decision.

So this is where I’ve lived for the past couple months. I’ll be honest with you; it’s been REALLY difficult. I’m not going to pretend to any glamour of being a professional musician here. If you want that, go to britneyspears.com. Truth is, it’s just plain hard, and I’ve been fortunate enough to experience a part of that lately.

All this struggle in life and growth in my music career kicked up a lot of dust, so to speak, and all I was trying to do was get the hose and wet the dirt so the dust would be still. Sometimes we want a clear view, that’s all. No dust, low stress, and a paycheck.

After two months of dust abatement (aka job searching, apartment searching, soul searching) yielded little in the way of low stress and paycheck, I rolled into February firmly entrenched in “Find work NOW mode.” Caught in this situation, I did what any respectable, intuitive, and desperate musician would do. I went to Starbucks. Not so much as a customer, but as an employee. See, I worked for Starbucks before I got the previously-mentioned super job, and I figured the chances of them hiring me back were pretty good. Sure enough, I was essentially hired on the spot and was brought onto what I now know to be one of the best staffs I have ever been a part of, with one of the most skilled and attentive managers I have had the privilege of working for. (If you’re reading this, I LOVE you guys!)

After a month at the Bucks, there is something that is coming as quite a surprise to me. I am completely happy there. Truly, it’s unreasonable how happy I am working there. I absolutely love it. The people, the interaction, the attitude. The free drinks are nice too. Having come from a job which in every way looked and felt and demanded like a “career job,” it is difficult sometimes to feel like this is a good move. Let’s be up front about it: from the outside, it looks like a step down, and yes, there are times when I have to fight the voice inside that taunts, “You should be more than this. You should be more than this.” But more than what? I’m pursuing my dream while working a job that I love. There are people making ridiculous amounts of money in jobs that look and sound really impressive who can’t even come close to saying they’re happy in their work and are able to go after what they dream about.

So maybe I did take a step down. At least I took a step. A lot of them, in fact. What’s more, who cares if it’s a step down so long as it’s a step in the right direction? To our American “Good Better Best”, Advancement Junkie way of thinking, we may balk at the idea of a step down having anything to do with something positive. But how could we be so arrogant to assume that our path in life will only be a steady upward climb, and that our greatest successes would not require some steps down, sideways, and out of line? Frankly, I don’t care if I’m a steady climber because that‘s not my goal. My goal is to take in everything I can as I walk the path that is designed for me. It’s mine, and I don’t want to miss it. I’ll take the steps down with as much vigor as the hikes up because these are parts of my path that I refuse to miss, visions and experiences that I refuse to ignore and spurn. If for no other reason, I love the path because it’s beautiful and it’s mine.

With all this, I guess the dust has settled a bit. There are still some things I feel I need to do before I can say that my life is in order for this period of time. Until then, I’m enjoying the peace I find in a day-to-day way of living. Sure, there’s stress there, but there’s a lot of excitement and inspiration too, like this constant current of nervous, graphic energy that tells you to grab on and get ready.

So get ready.

Before I wrap this up, I want to say a huge thanks to those of you who have been coming out to my shows this Spring. It’s been wonderful to see you there mouthing the words as I sing them and giving your tremendous support. There are still plenty of opportunities to come out and see the Phil Putnam thing live, so check out the Calendar page!

Also, if you’ve read around the site a little bit you’ve seen mentions of my fourth album peppering the pages here and there. It’s true, I am currently in the studio tracking the demos for my next project. So far, I am extremely pleased with how everything is turning out. Since this will be a 2006 release, I won’t have details about the album until a few months from now, but you can know that it’s in process and it’s gonna be good!

Thanks for reading, kids, for listening. I hope there was something in here that stirred or pricked your heart. If so, let me know. There’s a thread on the “Phil Related” forum of the Message Board for responses to this entry. As my Grandmother would say, don’t be bashful. Let me know what you think.

All right, time to don the green apron and sling some lattes. Be good.


Would you like whipped cream on that,

Phil
__________________________________

The Dream Lie
January 28, 2005

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about dreams. Not the mini-movies that play in our minds to an audience of one while we sleep (Sidebar: imagine an awards ceremony for dream-movies: “And the Oscar for Best Supporting Subconscious goes to…”) but the life-pursuits that are set in motion when searing passion marries the desire to achieve, and they conveniently fail to ask permission before taking over your life. Those kind of dreams.

So I’ve been thinking about dreams lately, and you know what. They’re hard work. No one ever tells you this while you’re learning to dream. Coaches and teachers and the “Cool Mom” of your third grade class, they all tell you that you can achieve anything you want to. Just dream it, and it’s yours. The only reason this ritual of childhood imagination survives is because third graders are still unknowingly powerful enough to experience hope in its purest forms. Astronauts, Epidemiologists, SuperMoms, Entreprenuers, and Future Presidents are born in third grade. Eight year-old eyes get big over the future they are told is guaranteed to them, provided they do well in school, obey their parents, and stay on the good side of Santa Claus. Oh, I almost forgot. Rock Stars are born in third grade too. Can’t forget the Rock Stars.

Then something happens, usually around sophomore year of high school. A change starts to hit, and by their early thirties Astronauts can barely find time to fly their private plane on weekends, Future Presidents are stuck in the City Council, and Entreprenuers are working for The Man. Somewhere along the line the dream lost its height. Like a hot air balloon that hovers fifty feet above ground, it was designed to go higher but never quite got up there.

Well, what happened? I’ll tell you what happened. Back in the third grade, Coach, Teacher, and Cool Mom didn’t read them the full contract. They told them to dream, but left out the most important part. They forgot to mention that dreaming is easy, but it’s living those dreams out that will break you.

Dreaming is easy. It is. Think about it. What does it cost me to sit in my chair at home and imagine the day when I am singing and playing my music to as many people as can fit in the latest stadium or arena in a string of stadiums and arenas I imagine myself performing in? Maybe I lose a little sleep when I get really excited about it, and maybe I buy more Cds than the average music fan, but as long as I am sitting in my chair at home just thinking about it, my dream costs me nothing more than fifteen bucks for the latest John Mayer album and a cup of coffee at Starbucks to keep me awake the next day.

If I get up out of my chair, though, and decide that to become the next John Mayer I’ll have to first become ridiculously talented overnight, and then I’ll have to start taking the steps and “living the dream,” well, that’s when all the illusion gets sucked out of it like the cream filling from inside a Twinkie and I get to work. Generally, the “working for the dream” glow has a shelf life of about four months, at the end of which you remember that day in third grade when Cool Mom told you about dreaming, and you decide that while slashing her tires may be a bit over the top, you should at least spray paint “Dream about THIS!” across her driveway as payback for telling you the most heinous lie you’ve ever heard in your life.

Pause for a moment: I don’t think I’m writing anything new here. But it’s my journal, so I figure I can write about what’s been on my mind. Maybe it’s not original, but the more people I talk to and the more concerts I play, it sure seems universal. We all dream, or dreamt, of being something. That dream got challenged somewhere along the line by circumstance and our own personal growth, and we either accepted an updated draft of the dream script or dropped the rewrite like litter and got a new one. The tough thing about littered dreams is that they stain like motor oil, leaving a residue that never completely washes off.

Something else I’ve noticed is that people respond to different dreams differently. Some dreams are sanctioned as safe and wise and plausible, and some are extended an amount of consideration similar to that given to a six year-old who decides that he’d like to move by himself from Topeka to Madagascar where he will take up kettle drumming and support himself by serenading his fellow villagers and designing internationally-renowned squash sculptures. “Oh, what a cute kid,” we say. “Such an imagination.”

(Insert pat on head here).

If you dream about building the largest birdhouse in your county or eating 31 gallons of ice cream in 31 days, the highest caution you may receive is, “You may want to consult your doctor about that.” Take up a dream that is a bit more risky, maybe something like leaving a secure job (with benefits!!! GASP!) to pursue a career in songwriting and recording, and people will look at you like your skin has just turned forest green before their eyes. They’ll let their shock show for only a split second before recovering to a plastic, Ken-doll-like expression of excited pleasantry, and say, “Well, that’s great. I really hope it works out for you. Hey, maybe when you make it big you can get Christina Aguilera’s autograph for me.” Ugh. Did you have to bring X-Tina into this?

People are so afraid to respond honestly when they think someone has just made the dumbest decision of their life based on a dream. In these situations, your dream gets handled like a terribly ugly porcelain figurine. Those who see it are afraid that if they tell the owner how ugly it is, it will immediately break into pieces along with the owner’s will to live. But I can’t jive with this line of thinking. See, I have some experience in this “going for my dream, being looked at like I’m crazy” thing, and while my dream may have been fragile like porcelain back at its beginning, that’s not the case anymore. For my dream to survive some of the crap (yes, I just wrote crap. we use “crap” here) it’s been through, it had to figure out a way to toughen up. My dreams don’t break easy anymore. The ones that did became dream litter a long time ago. As for the people who think I’m crazy, if they tell me the truth I’ll gladly add them to the list of those who will shuffle contritely up to the register at Target to buy my first multi-Platinum record. “For atonement,” they will mutter to the confused cashier, “and also because track four rocks!”

I imagine someday I may make “the move” to LA or New York to try to make it big in the city of Rock & Roll dreams. Through the dangerously small square of visibility in the back window of my dangerously over packed Honda Civic, my family and close friends will wave me off with much the same internal monologue as I imagine was occurring in the minds of those who waved off the Oregon Trail Pioneers. My mom wipes a tear or two, my dad says something pithy about being a 30-year overnight success, and inside their heads my siblings are thinking, “Best wishes on the Pioneer thing. Hope you don’t get attacked by wolves. But hey, if you survive, I’ll help change your bandages when you come home.”

What I want to know is, what’s everybody so afraid of? Why do dreams and the people who truly go after them put us on edge like they do?. Sure, there’s something a little unsettling about Pioneers. They’re rugged and optimistic and always taking about a place that may or may not be real at all. But isn’t the wonder of Pioneers found in the uncertainty about whether where they’re headed actually exists? And isn’t the power of Pioneers found in the fact that they already know that where they’re headed doesn’t exist. Those who wave them off may wonder if they’ll find what they’re looking for, but the Pioneer knows that he won’t. He’s not leaving to find something that is already there. He’s going to create something that won’t exist until he builds it.

Well kids, those are my thoughts about dreams right now. It’s a lot of thoughts, I know. But get used to it. My friends log hours on my dreams and they’re ecstatic that they finally have a whole online community to share the task. Please feel free to respond to this Journal entry and any others that I post in the future. You can do this by emailing me. Even better, you can post on the message board and get everyone else in on the action.

Go for your dreams, kids, third grade and beyond. And Cool Mom, if you’re out there, let’s call a truce. You forgive the spray paint, I’ll forgive the dream lie, and together we can bless the neigh-sayers during their penance in the Target check-out line.

Tongue in cheek, heart in hand,

Phil